Orgasms are easy, until they aren’t.
That’s what I learned during my turn as a non-committal jerk during the spring of 2019. Look, when your whole deal is “just trying to have fun,” you have one job and if it’s not getting done... well, thank god for the Fin.
But before all that, a quick disclaimer: I don’t have a vagina.
I am a man, have never been a woman, and I’m a product of the American school system. So let’s just say, I’m a work in progress when it comes to the idea of pleasure.
What I do have is a general understanding of where the clitoris is, a fondness for learning, and desire to please.
When my partner at the time, let’s call her Annie (fake name, for obvious reasons) couldn’t regularly finish, I was frustrated. Every move I had in my arsenal, all of which produced results before with other partners, failed. Orgasms for her were rare in the months we were together—and she was fine with it. But, I wasn’t going to take what I deemed to be my inadequacy lying down.
So, as two adults do, we talked about it. I asked her what could help her finish, and she showed me her Dame Fin. And life was suddenly different—better.
The Dame Fin is a small vibrator designed to be worn between the fingers to add a “stimulating vibration to touch.” It offers two different sides—a pinpoint on one side, and a larger, broader area on the other—and three different speeds, so you can choose an appropriate intensity. You might have heard of it during their recent dust-up with the New York MTA.
When I tried it for the first time, it was nothing short of amazing. I was giggling like an idiot and gawking at this marvelous little thing. You know when you take a swimming class, and you put on a pair of flippers for the first time? That’s what this felt like. It took out the work from everything, and it was AMAZING.
I saw tremendous results when used with a bit of lubricant (water-based, not silicone) during foreplay, “giving,” and coitus. The big idea is to stimulate multiple erogenous zones at once. Plus, it also provided relief on my end, since I didn’t have to work as hard.
The Fin is the first sex toy I’ve encountered (and purchased for myself/for a future partner) that moved away from the phallic, obviously designed-by-men, cringey toys that fill sex shops. It’s compact, discreet in its design, and its rechargeable. (It’s a proprietary plug, but I guess the sex toy industry will be slow to adopt USB-C.)
But to be clear, not all women are the same.
If you’re a guy looking for something to spice it up in the bedroom, be sure to discuss it with your partner. (Remember men, consent is sexy and fucking important.) If you’re a woman, thanks for humoring me by reading this.