Hot Hands Hand Warmers 10-Pack | $6 | Amazon
You’ve got them chilly hands again, don’t you? If you live anywhere near me, then hell yeah, you do. But nobody wants to have chilly hands, and nobody wants to be touched by chilly hands, so why don’t you get a few 10-packs of these Hot Hands hand warmers, and then next time you go on a date, you can say something normal and sexy, like “wanna feel my hot little hands?” Make sure you wriggle your fingers while you do it—people love that sort of thing.
If you’ve never used Hot Hands, they’re little packets of magic that, when shaken, steadily heat up over the course of 15 to 30 minutes. You slip them inside your gloves and enjoy the boost to your self-confidence that comes with the knowledge that your hands are hot, while everyone else’s are either cold, or in gloves so puffy they can’t even use their hands for anything more delicate than grabbing a gas pump handle. You’ll have the upper hand in every interaction, including romantic ones.