Citizen, we are pleased to announce a fine stainless steel watch from the company Citizen has received a 50% discount. This perfectly functional watch, usually $225, is discounted to $113 and offers 12hr and 24hr time, is water-resistant up to 330', and its Eco-Drive technology means it never needs a battery. What does it use instead, you ask? We don’t know! Probably your life energy! Yes, citizen, this fine watch will be with you until you die, which is more likely every day when you wear one of these watches! Ha ha, we are just making fun jokes over here, this watch will not slowly kill you, probably. It is solar-powered. Now, shipping looks slow on this watch right now, so if you just need one badly, the brown leather band version has a slightly lower discount, priced at $130, but with much more normal Amazon shipping times!
Thank you for tuning in to this announcement about Citizen, citizen! Now please return to your work. Your pay has been docked for the time you spent reading this. Have a productive day!