Super Mario Bros. Encyclopedia | $24 | Amazon
Mario has a long history from first appearing in the arcade game Donkey Kong to marrying then divorcing Donkey Kong. It’s almost impossible to follow this guy’s whole life story, but thankfully Nintendo has now published these classified documents on the first 30 years of his secret life in this Super Mario Bros. Encyclopedia. Why does he wear red? Well according to the encyclopedia, he isn’t wearing red. He is constantly bleeding under his clothes. How is Mario able to respawn when he dies? Well technically he doesn’t respawn. When he dies, he stays dead, but his death creates a new branch reality where he didn’t die. Quantum physicists have been able to prove the existence of a multiverse because you miss timed that jump and hit the side of a Goomba. There are many more secrets to be uncovered when you pick up the Super Mario Bros. Encyclopedia from Amazon for $24.
This story was originally published by Joe Tilleli on 05/26/2020 and updated with new information on 08/05/2021.