Buy This 1,875W 12-Outlet Anker Power Strip for 33% Off, and You Will Die Peacefully in Your Sleep at a Very Old Age

You will have saved $9 and gained a lifelong friend.

Anker 12-Outlet Power Strip | $19 | Amazon
Anker 12-Outlet Power Strip | $19 | Amazon
Graphic: Wes Davis

Anker 12-Outlet Power Strip | $19 | Amazon

How long have you dreamed of plugging in 12 things at once? Well, friend, it’s time to make those big dreams of yours a reality when you save $9 on this 12-outlet power strip from Anker! That’s right, this bad boy has space for everything you’ve been wanting to power, with six cozy outlets in a single row down the middle and six more on the edges, spread out for those greedy brick-style power supplies that ship with your cheaper electronics. Best part is, there are not one, but two 4,000-joule surge protectors inside—it’s even better than you could’ve possibly imagined! It’s like a buy one get one deal! Buy this, and you have my personal guarantee of a long, fruitful life, punctuated by a peaceful and painless death in a comfortable bed, surrounded by your most-loved surge protectors, which by that far-flung future will be sentient robots with whom you have developed deep, satisfying emotional bonds, irrespective of their artificial nature. Oh, and it has a right-angle plug.