I feel like even Mitch Hedberg would be disappointed with the name “food processor.” It’s accurate and descriptive, but it’s also vague — to “process” food could mean anything. “Food dicer/shredder/chopper/grinder/mixer/kneader” is a bit much, though, so I guess “processor” it is.
The Cuisinart 14-Cup Food Processor is a lovely example of this multitasking species, to the point that I’m not sure if I like the copper or red finish better. It’s also on sale for $116 for today only, which, considering the number of functions it can perform, is a pretty unbeatable deal.