Segway Ninebot Electric Roller Skates | $230 | Amazon
Segway Ninebot Kids Bike | $230 | Amazon
Segway Ninebot ES4 Electric Kick Scooter | $640 | Amazon
Segway Ninebot S-Plus Electric Scooter | $700 | Amazon
Maybe the version of the future we ended up with is a capitalist nightmare, but one of the benefits of that waking dream is that you get to buy, for the price of a kid’s bicycle, well, a literal kid’s Segway Ninebot bicycle, but also, electric roller skates—both products are on sale for $230, an especially good price for the normally $400 skates. And for $200 off it’s typical $900 price, you can pick up a compact, handle-less version of the giant Segway that famously did more to punish George W. Bush for his war crimes than anyone before or since! There’s even more stuff in this sale, including a water resistant back pack that’s 10% off and an engine-simulating Bluetooth speaker designed to attach to many of Segway Ninebot’s products—including it’s Gokart Series, which is not on sale, but did you know Segway makes go karts?—so head over to the landing page and check maybe buy an electric kick scooter for 20% less.