Zap It! Bug Zapper Racket | $19 | Amazon | Promo Code 15XCBE7C
Is the endless grind of the capitalist machine leaving you frayed, empty? Do colors seem muted, scents dulled, and has your love life dried up? Has everything you love been weathered away by the relentless, inexorable winds of time? Friend, what you need is the Zap It! bug zapper racket. It’s on sale right now for 15% off when you enter promo code 15XCBE7C. This 3,500 volt zapper racket lets you take an active role in the slaughter of potentially thousands of mosquitos, june bugs, flies, and more, all from the comfort of your own front porch, and all it takes from you is a willing hand and two AA batteries. Simply hold down the button, take aim, and swing to your heart’s content, and let the maniacal laughter that wells up from a deep place hitherto unknown within you fill your throat and swell your heart. Did I mention the ergonomic handle and that cleanup involves a mere vigorous shake of the racket, and the crispy, lifeless carcasses of your victims will dislodge and fall to the ground? Take what is left of the pleasure in life in hand, with either the large ($21 after discount), medium ($19 after), or small ($16 after) sizes, and may the rest of your days be filled with endless suffering (by bugs!).