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Resolved: Eating In Bed Is Fine!

Illustration for article titled Resolved: Eating In Bed Is Fine!
Photo: The Creative Exchange (Unsplash)
SqualorJolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her.

It was a rainy, crummy Saturday in New York and, in a fit of malcontent, I texted one of the guys I’m seeing, “I have a PLAN. Shower, throw on sweats, come over and let’s [CENSORED], get [CENSORED], eat pizza in bed, [CENSORED] again and then maybe nap?”

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So look, this is an advice column as much as it’s a cleaning column and so first let me give you this advice: When possible you and your sweetie should [CENSORED], get [CENSORED], eat pizza in bed, [CENSORED] again and then maybe nap.

Okay, so I tell you that because it’s good advice but more importantly, to tell you this: Eating in bed IS FINE. And here’s why it’s on the brain: After the initial [CENSORED] response I got from that one guy he was also like, “Wow I’m shocked that eating pizza in bed is allowed!” (He’s … familiar with my oeuvre.)

And yup, eating in bed is totally fine!

Now look, some people are wigged out by the thought of eating in bed and if you’re one of them, you should know that this is not a “eating in bed is a thing you must do” advice column. Don’t do it! But if you’re not wigged out by it, this is me, a person who gets paid to give cleaning advice, telling you to go for it!

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To get back to my rainy Saturday plans, and the cleaning portion of this column, here’s what I said by way of explanation of why I’m down for eating in bed: Well, I’m me, and I’m not afraid of spills! I know how to deal with spills! And I’m going to tell you what I know:

First Things First: When you spill, it’s best to deal with it straight away. The simplest thing to do is to get a damp sponge or dishrag (damp, not wet!), apply a small amount of dish soap to it and scrub the stain vigorously.

If it is a very large liquid spill, you may want to use paper towels or a dish rag to absorb as much liquid as you can before you move along to the dish soap portion of the proceedings.

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Then, Before Laundering Stained Bedding: There are some stain removers that work better on some types of stains than on others, and so when we talk about food stains like chocolate or tomato sauce or whatever other food you’re eating in bed, the best product to use is Shout.

Hydrogen peroxide is another product that is great at eliminating all kinds of food and drink spills, like coffee. Just be aware that it can have a bleaching effect so it’s a good idea to spot test it on an inconspicuous area, especially if your bedding is a dark color.

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One type of stain that can be tricky are berry stains — blueberries, pomegranate, red wine, etc. — but Wine Away is a very good product for those, so if you upend a breakfast tray of blueberry pancakes in your bed, that’s the stuff you want.

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And Speaking Of That Bed Tray! It’s not a bad idea to get one for all your eating in bed needs.


Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert, advice columnist and the host of the podcast Ask a Clean Person

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