Hot Wheels Wario Car | $12 | Amazon
If you haven’t heard, Wario is dead. He straight up died, man. We don’t even know how it happened. It looks like Sonic the Hedgehog ate him? It’s a really confusing morning and we’re really trying to process it. All we know is that he is gone and now Sonic won’t leave us alone. He keeps saying this is his domain now and he calls the shots. I think he is running The Inventory now? We’re all really confused. Anyways, Sonic says that we are allowed to post memorials to Wario (whom he killed) today, so here’s a Wario Hot Wheels car for $12. It was not fast enough to out speed the sinister hedgehog with an empty tummy full of deadly acids that have digested our good friend Wario. Where do we go from here? Wario was the captain of this ship and we will surely feel lost at sea without his jovial personality. Wario pushed us to stay weird and push the bounds of what stuffy commerce writing can look like. Now he’s inside Sonic’s stomach, slowly becoming liquid (or worse). I don’t know, man. What a day.