Graphic: Shep McAllister
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Here’s the thing. If you’re a dad between the ages of, oh, let’s say 25 to 45, Father’s Day #content is not for you. I mean, it is. You are a father (to be read in a Maury Povich voice, obviously), but all the gift guides out in these online streets? Not so much.

Your kids will make you a macaroni necklace, or AirDrop you a thoughtful meme. You and your partner agreed exchanging gifts on these holidays was just too much, so that’s out.

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Meaning? Father’s Day is about showing your dad a l’il love and appreciation. So, this is a gift guide on what to give him this year, not what to ask for (if that’s even a thing). No tools, no ties. Just some stuff that says, I love you and thanks for helping me grow into someone who can pay for things now. And if none of these strike your (dad’s) fancy, The Inventory also rounded up some of their favorite products from over the years that could also make great gifts.

Bose SoundSport Free Wireless Headphones, $199

Bose SoundSport Free Wireless Headphones, $199
Graphic: Shep McAllister

Yes, you’ll have to set them up for him. Yes, you’ll have to explain over the phone how to reconnect them to bluetooth more than once.

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But as anyone who’s gone truly wireless with their earbuds knows, the trouble is totally worth it. Buy him the pair in bright orange so your mom knows why he’s ignoring her from the backyard when she tries to call him in for lunch.

Pizzacraft PC6000 Portable Outdoor Pizza Oven, $255

Photo: Amazon

A pizza oven is a great addition to any dad’s amateur chef capabilities. Dads love to feel like they have a “thing” when it comes to cooking, and being the guy who’s slowly but surely perfecting his dough recipe and toppings combo is as good as any.

The Father of All Dad Guides: From A(doring) to Z(addy), $14

Forget the whiskey stones under the Father’s Day tree this year. In this funny bird watching-esque guide book, you’ll learn how to identify all kinds of dads through their calls (“I’ll turn this car around right now” and “Can’t you ask your mom about that?”) and migration patterns (mostly informed by ignoring the GPS in favor of “the scenic route”).

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Full disclosure: My cousin (and former Jezebel editor) Madeleine Davies wrote this and I am very proud of her! Also, she has this curly strawberry blonde (almost red-ish?) hair that’s really pretty. That has nothing to do with the merits of the book, of course; I just feel like it deserves some attention, too.

J.Crew Dad Hat, $40

J.Crew Always baseball cap, $40
Graphic: Shep McAllister

Upgrade your dad’s absolutely ancient baseball hat with something just a little bit nicer for Father’s Day. Do you have to explain to him what a “dad hat” is and why this J.Crew garment-dyed cotton style qualifies? I mean, if you want to, but honestly it’ll probably just confuse him. It would be like trying to explain Lil Nas X. Or Tik Tok. It’s just not worth the trouble.

Local craft beer delivery (prices vary)

Screenshot: Craftshack

When my parents came to visit me in college (approximately a million years ago), they loved the sticky buns at a diner downtown. When I graduated, I had a box shipped to them to celebrate. Thanks for paying for college! Here are some cinnamon rolls so now we’re even!

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At the time, it felt like a ton of money because shipping was NOT free, my friend. But now I see that it was a really nice, personal gift that did not (at all) break the bank.

So, think about the last time you introduced your dad to a great IPA or a particularly stellar sour. Especially if the brewery is local to you but not him, this kind of gift is thoughtful without blowing your gift budget.

Saturdays NYC Backpack, $195

Saturdays NYC Backpack, $195
Graphic: Shep McAllister

Skip the suitcase, and buy your dad a backpack. Something functional so he has lots of pockets to put things, but fashionable enough that your mom won’t be embarrassed to be seen with him outside the house.

Ray-Ban Clubmasters, $203

Ray-Ban Clubmasters, $203
Graphic: Shep McAllister

Splurge on the Clubmasters you’ve always known your dad would look great in and that will make him look like his dad in that one picture on the wall in your basement which will freak both of you out but in a kind of cool way.

Public Rec Go-To Tee, $54

Public Rec Go-To Tee, $54
Graphic: Shep McAllister

If your dad is anything like mine, he’s been putting in the work since retiring. At the gym, that is. If he’s even more like mine, he’s become vain as hell about it! Personally, I’m cool with his peacocking so long as he’s in good enough shape to still be able to pick up my kids once I get around to having them. Indulge your own dad’s #fitspo goals with some cool workout gear to help him tackle his “killer Tuesday legs day” in style.

Amazon Gift Card

Amazon Gift Card
Graphic: Shep McAllister

Impersonal, you say? Lacks forethought? Sure! But it’s your dad, not your girlfriend. So like, give him a gift card and let him go buckwild with your Prime account.

Extract Labs CBD Muscle Cream, $50

Extract Labs CBD Muscle Cream, $50
Photo: Extract Labs

I’ve found that parents are weirdly cool about CBD. Does your dad have a sore neck? Bad knee? Chapped ankles? Give him some CBD cream and let the salve work its magic while the scent helps him relive his hippie glory days.