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Bidets: It's Time to Take This Shit Seriously

Everyone poops, but it’s a shame that not everyone uses a bidet.

Bidets, if you’re unfamiliar, are devices used to wash one’s butt after making a deposit in the porcelain bank. And after a month with the Coway Bidetmega 200, I am a convert and an evangelist to boot.

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When I mention bidets, people tend to have one of two reactions: Some seem to squirm at the very notion, while others treat it as a joke. I suppose it sounds too European for some, or maybe it’s because bidets force us to confront what we do behind closed doors.

And what we do is simple and gross if you take the time to think about it: We wipe our asses with dry paper. We wash our hands with soap and water afterward because what we did was gross, but we scoff at using water to clean ourselves at the epicenter of the activity.

Coming from a Filipino household, I was accustomed to the tabo. This method involves dipping the oversized ladle-like tool into a pail of water, then using the tabo to pour water with one hand while washing that area with the other. (Of course, I’d wash my hands after.)

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But when I moved out of my parents’ house into an apartment shared with friends during college, I left the tabo behind and made my transition to toilet paper.

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Such a tight fit.

And to be honest, I never felt clean after using toilet paper. I’d often dampen the wad of toilet paper under the faucet to make the experience feel a little more familiar and a little cleaner. (Again, wet wipes are a thing for babies, but not you? Why not you, too?)

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I felt embarrassed to discuss it, and thought it was important to assimilate rather than make a fuss. But now I’ve come to grips with the tyranny and folly of toilet paper, I was ready to make a change.

So when Coway invited me to try the Bidetmega 200, I was more than excited to test it out. Technically, the bidet I reviewed is more like a washlet that you can install by replacing the toilet seat, but they function in the same way.

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And despite physically being there for the setup (which was a breeze, by the way) it was hard to prepare myself for the sensation. And no joke, after my first try, I audibly yelped.

Of course, the shock subsided as the bidet worked its way into my routine, and now, I dread using the bathroom anywhere else I go. Because nowhere else I go to has a bidet, because we live in a bonafide hellscape.

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The Coway Bidetmega 200 has some awesome features like a heated seat, customizable water temperature and pressure, and a feminine hygiene feature—which I was ill-equipped to try. While I still use toilet paper to dry myself and to do a spot check, I’m spoiled by the sheer feeling of cleanliness I get with the bidet. (There is a built-in dryer, but it was a little too slow for my taste.)

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The cable is short, and, yes, you need to keep it plugged in. This was probably a fire hazard of some sort, but you could always run an extension cord.

This may not apply to you, but the power cable on the Bidetmega was too short to reach my bathroom outlet, so I had to pick up an extension cord. And if you have a particularly small bathroom, like mine, you might have trouble getting it to fit. Luckily for me, there was just enough room, but barely.

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And, yes, it is expensive. I can understand that spending $450 may not be feasible for most, so if you’re interested in trying one out, there are a number of affordable, easy to install options.

Though it lacks many of the primo features of the Bidetmega, the BioBidet Slim Edge has all the essentials for a low $35. Like the Bidetmega 200, it promises easy installation, but you can’t adjust the water temperature, which may be a deal-breaker during the winter.

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But for those willing to splurge, I cannot recommend the Bidetmega 200 enough. When used in tandem with your favorite toilet paper, it’s truly the most efficient, most hygienic way to use the toilet.

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About the author

Tercius

Commerce Editor at The Inventory.