Fuck, first I had to think a kind thought about Tom Brady this week, now I gotta toss one to Goodell too? SATAN, TAKE ME HOME ALREADY, WOULDYA? Read more

Kelly, yet again you have tapped into my personal Zeitgeist and I would like to offer deep and profound thanks to you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be off to make a double batch of bourbon balls and some sprinkle cookies for the people in Jersey who I love the most in life. Read more

I feel so seen rn, thank you Read more

I’m obsessed with Shop Vacs and this is the second or third time they’ve come up in my comments this week, I’m so happy rn. Read more

I like the way you think. Read more

Wait, this motherfucker is coming for my moisturizers and facial products now? TAWMMY GET YA FAHKIN PAWS OFF MY CHERRY BLOSSOM SERUM I SWEAH TO FAHKIN GAWD Read more

MR. BEAR [dies of joy] Read more

Diana and I gotchu, boo. Read more

HAHAHA OH MY GOD YOU CLOGGED A FUCKING SHOPVAC WITH YOUR OWN VOMIT??? Buddy, what the hell did you eat???? Read more

Sometimes I worry about the future, then I read stories like this and I’m all, “Yeah, no, I’ll never lack for work.” Read more

love-love-love this Read more

Because you ... want hockey in August? Explain unto me. Read more

Uch but if Hockey naps now it’s gonna be awake until August. Just give it a passie and let it pay quietly in its playpen. Read more

Ahhh that makes me so happy! Love your user name too :) Read more

Enjoy the greys, pal! Read more

Cripes, don’t do this to me. Aren’t things already bad enough? Why you gotta go make me think a single kind fucking thought about Tom Brady, come on. Read more

HAHAHA oh man, I feel so much better now! My response wasn’t so much, “Bless your heart” as it was a stunned, “Wow, do I ever need to reel things way way way back to some basics, I have failed my menfolk terribly.” Read more

yessssssssssssssssssss /cult leader Read more

You’re a person who has drank the Kool-Aid! Except the Kool-Aid is dirty wash water. Read more

Oh man, thank you so much for saying so and wow, I LOVE when my Hairpin people pipe up to mention that they’re still around!!! <3 u like Bleachie! Read more