I mean, I wasn’t the one who said it ... (lol j/k it’s SUCH an old in-joke among a VERY specific audience, no reason for you to know it!!) Read more

The Editor-In-Chief of both sites doesn’t share your opinion. And guess whose opinion matters here? Read more

[nods solemnly] Read more

I hope you murdered him. No jury would convict. Read more

Haha fair enough! It may be helpful to know that the post title is a callback to a form I used when this column first ran on The Hairpin. At one point, I suggested getting rid of the Easter Bunny because, seriously, he is revolting. Read more

It sounds like it’s working, so keep on keepin’ on! Read more

Whatever you’re into, my friend! Read more

Beautiful. Thank you for this. Read more

Oh man, I need to do an entire SERIES on what your kids are doing to your cars. I would honestly suggest getting a Little Green Machine or similar. For vomit, use it in concert with an enzymatic product like Zout. Good luck out there!! Read more

The headline is a callback to a form I used frequently in the first iteration of this column on The Hairpin. Read more

First of all, do you literally not know who you’re taking to right now? And also? LISTEN TO THE PODCAST BEFORE COMING IN HERE WITH THAT SACK OF SHIT, PALLIE.   Read more

You, Sir, are a hero and an inspiration. Read more

The only business anyone will be getting today is you getting the business end of my cocktail sword. Read more

I like your username. Mamie once tweeted at me, and it was like being kissed by a rockstar in a smokey bar. Read more

I’ll thank you to leave Christopher Cross out of it, unless you’re making a “canvas can do miracles” reference, which is, frankly, what you should be doing. Read more

What a bunch of no-fun-nicks you guys are. That was a God damned blast!  Read more

It’s spelled tszuj (though there are alternative spellings) Read more

A U-ey. A u-turn. You know it, you’re probably just not recognizing it written out. Read more

God I fucking love scrod. Semi-relatedly, I went to grammar school with a whole bunch of the Gorton kids. Read more

Why would anyone talk shit about our bubblahs though? I don’t even understand. Read more