Haha totally that and also he said she was so much better at him at waging psychological warfare on the boat. He knows she owns him. Read more

If every bridge was burned down, would you find a way? Read more

If you’re feeling worried and scared about Jacqueline Laurita’s neck, I want you to know that I’m here for you. Read more

When Ben dropped trou!!! AND THE BROTHER WITH THE SAME VOICE!!! Read more

I spackled and watched a lot of Bravo. Read more

I worked with them for three years so: I was not :( Read more

<3 u Jezzies!!! Thank you for showing those shitbags at Deadspin how it's done. (Ley, Drew, Jordan and ladies excepted.) Read more

I’ve never used one, so I can’t formally endorse it. But: Does canned air not do the trick for you? Read more

I don’t want to take anything away from Hamilton’s important work on the subject of crumb removal in the workplace, but desktop vacuums are a thing that exist in this world. Read more

I would like to return to pen a single guest column so that I may then market a hoodie that says “Deadspin: Stick to Spots” Read more

JCQ!!!!!! Read more

There is, I know! I can’t quite nail it, and I’ve been trying for 22 or so years. If you find it, let me know. Read more

You and me both! This happened over 20 years ago and it remains a total mystery. Read more

It’s entirely possible that you’ve found the explanation. This happened at Barnard in the 90s, so it fits the profile .... Read more

This isn’t a horror story, but it’s definitely a weird one: I walked into my freshman dorm room one day and found my roommate, Jen, in bed with her best friend Ann. Okay, whatever, it was a women’s college blah blah. Read more

The pipe is one of my favorite characters on the keyboard and I’m in a total state of distress over the way in which he’s using it. Read more

nah you had it right the first time Read more

FILTHY?!?!?! Read more

I mean this kindly: What in the world would ever lead you to believe that? Read more

hahaha I was gonna say, I think the clear answer here is NEVER DO A WHOLE30. Read more