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This Thanos Bathing Suit Exists, And I Wore It In Public

“I am inevitable.” - This Thanos bathing suit, to me.
Photo: Ana Suarez
No Thought, Just BoughtNo Thought, Just BoughtBefore making most purchases, we meticulously research all of our options, wait for deals, and try to make an informed buying decision. But sometimes, we just buy things on a whim, and end up loving them anyway. No Thought, Just Bought is a space to share the impulse purchases that exceeded our expectations.

On June 13, 2019, my coworker Chelsea Stone saw a tweet about a Thanos bathing suit for women. Because she does her due diligence, she didn’t just send us the tweet to laugh at, but she also found the bathing suit and sent it in our team Slack as well. Then she proceeded to send us several more Thanos bathing suits, both one-pieces and bikinis, that were available on Amazon. It’s a whole thing!

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After laughing so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes, I joked that I wanted it. Much to my shock, our boss, Shep McAllister, said I could buy it and expense it if I wrote about the experience of wearing it.

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So hi, hello, welcome to my blog post.

I don’t need to be told twice to buy anything. At all. I bought it, despite it only having two reviews that are clearly fake. I prayed. And waited. The Amazon shipping window was pretty wide, being anywhere from two to three weeks. I accepted my fate and hoped that when I was done, half of humanity would still exist.

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Amazon promo image vs. what I opened In the mail on June 24

I had a beach trip planned for the Fourth of July with my best friend, Courtney. Because she’s put up with me being weird for over a decade, I decided to outweird myself, even by her standards. I wasn’t going to tell her about the bathing suit. Instead, I was going to wear it to the beach on the Fourth of July and she would find out when I took my beach coverup off. All I wanted was to see her honest-to-God reaction to this bathing suit. Because while strangers on the beach might stare, they won’t actually say anything. But my best friend sure as hell will. I began to call this my “Snap Courtney’s Brain In Half Plan.” It was genius. I am a mad titan, obviously.

When the bathing suit came in the mail, I was a little blown away. For starters, it came in under two weeks, on the early end of its clearly-produced-on-demand shipping window. I was shocked that the swimsuit’s printing quality looked so much like the (clearly Photoshopped) Amazon photo. Was it the best material ever for a women’s bathing suit? Nope. Was it wearable? Totally. I ordered a size up because I never trust Amazon sizing. That was a smart choice, as my normal size probably would have suffocated my poor boobs. It was looser in the stomach than I’m used to for a one piece, but not horribly so. I was not planning to wear this for a swim meet. All I need when it comes to bathing suits is something I can lounge in my beach chair in and tan.

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Me, literally saying, “Fun isn’t something one considers when balancing the universe. But this… does put a smile on my face.”
Photo: Ana Luisa Suarez

When the day came, I was actually surprised by how comfortable this bathing suit is. Anyone who has worn a one-piece swimsuit before knows they aren’t always comfortable. I liked that there was nothing digging into my shoulders and neck, as most bikini tops tend to do this and cause instant discomfort. My “Snap Courtney’s Brain In Half Plan” was set in motion and her reaction was fairly on brand with our friendship. “What is wrong with you,” were the first words out of her mouth. She thought I bought the bathing suit on my own, just to be weird. She was worried I was sending messages of wanting to “wipe out half of humanity” to the families we saw on the beach in LBI. I got a ton of really weird looks from little kids, who were probably wondering why I’d sport a villain’s face on my bathing suit.

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Now, I didn’t actually go into the water in this, because the ocean water in NJ is still freezing this time of year. So, I can’t confirm is this turns see-through when wet, but it does having padding in the chest area, so you’re most likely safe. I will say, it is easy to wear all day. Usually, after I leave the beach, I need to immediately change out of my bathing suit because my neck and shoulders hurt. I was able to run errands at Target after the beach while wearing this one-piece and I didn’t feel any discomfort. I didn’t expect this bathing suit to look anything like the picture, let alone actually be comfortable. I was pleasantly surprised that something on Amazon that looked so totally fake turned out to actually be a decent purchase. I 100% plan to weird people out by wearing this to the beach as often as possible this summer, and I also 100% plan to file that expense report, Shep.

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About the author

Ana Suarez

Ana works as a commerce editor, but her dream job would be making her senior Yorkie, Tyrone, Insta famous.