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Help! Crumbs In My Bed Are Making Me Crazy

Illustration for article titled Help! Crumbs In My Bed Are Making Me Crazy
Photo: Handy Wicaksono (Unsplash)
SqualorJolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her.

One of the best things about this job is how you’re constantly delighting me with the questions you ask! To wit: Last week, when we gathered to discuss the relative merits and attendant problems of eating in bed, I failed utterly to cover an important subject relative to the topic. And you let me know about it!

Love you, mean it! Also, help is here.

The Decrumber Method

Traditional table decrumbers are fun, but they won’t work super well on the softer surface of a bed (or couch, or your favorite reading chair). However, there are other styles of decrumber that exist in this world! If you’re a person who is regularly beset upon by crumbs in the bed, you might want to spring for something like this.


Or like this. The good thing about these is that they’re fairly small and you can easily stash one in a bedside table drawer for easy decrumbing access.

And I mean, how cute is this little guy?!?

The Lint Roller Method

Using a sticky lint roller is also a great way to quickly remove crumbs from sheets.


The problem, however, is that sticky lint rollers create a lot of waste — you gotta throw those sheets away every time! And pay for replacements! — which is why it’s not my first recommendation for people for whom crumbs in the bed are a regular problem. But if occasional crumbs are all you’re facing, then by all means, turn the sticky roller on those bad boys!

The Taylor Swift Method

I’m so so so sorry about this but literally: Shake it off.

So there’s a thing we’ll talk about more in March when we do an entire month of bed-making content, but right quick: When you make your bed in the morning [MEANINGFUL LOOK], pull the blanket(s) and top sheet back, grab the elastic edge of the bottom sheet and kind of shake it like you were playing that old gym class parachute game. Then pull the edge taut and retuck it, and use your hands to smooth the sheet flat — the combination of the parachute game action and smoothing your hand will shake/brush off crumbs. Then proceed to make the bed as usual. [SECOND MEANINGFUL LOOK]


A Note On Vacuums

I don’t especially recommend you vacuum your sheets because there is always a bit of ambient dirt and dust that collects on the attachment, and that will end up smeared on your sheets unless you take the time to wipe the attachment off before use. Which is an option! Just not an especially realistic one. But using the crevice or upholstery attachment is a good thing to do if you want to remove crumbs (and hair etc etc etc) from a mattress.

Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert, advice columnist and the host of the podcast Ask a Clean Person

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