1) It’s a pain to clean under the refrigerator. It’s worse when your girlfriend passes out at a party next to the refrigerator and proceeds to throw up under the refrigerator. Who got to clean that up? Me. Read more

Not a disaster but something like that green jello story: Read more

Not even a party mess. Just a pure drunken disaster. Went to a bar for a friend’s birthday and we all proceeded to down more shots of soju than I can remember. Unfortunately for me, soju tastes like water and I’ve been known to casually down a bottle. I don’t remember leaving the bar, or apparently eating an entire… Read more

small party, huge disaster. I had about five friends over in my parent’s basement. I was about... 19? 20? Legal drinking age in Canada, at least. Feeling hungry for some McD’s, me and three friends drove to the lone McD’s in town, some 5 minutes away. We left our one friend, Rob, a noted alcohol abuser, alone in the… Read more

Worst mess I ever made after a party was in college. Me and five friends had just moved into your typical off-campus college fuckhouse. I had just gotten back into town that night so after bringing in my bags and pounding some pasta, we started with the heavy celebratory drinking. Read more

Just hosted a graduation party a week ago for my nephew. I was so proud of my Lagunitas Lil’ Sumpin’ Sumpin’ 1/2 barrel, but didn’t quite account for the 7.5% abv with my pace or consumption of food. For the 1st time in 25 or so years of drinking alcohol, managed to soil a bed. Fockin’ mortified. Blamed it on the cat.
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You got nothing on my Kerr tribute band, the Sodium Bicarbonate Experiment Read more

Um, that conflicts with the performance of MY Jolie Kerr tribute band One Vinegar to Rule Them All. We will be performing all the the hits from our White Album. When Vinegar is not Enough is our top requested song. Maybe we should combine bands and play somewhere besides your shower. Read more

You guys, my Jolie Kerr tribute band, Vinegar is Magic, is playing another show tomorrow night. As a reminder, the band consists of me singing a slightly off pitch rendition of “So Fresh, So Clean” in my shower over and over again. The show starts at 8:00pm, or whenever I get back from the gym. Nobody came last week,… Read more

I can’t wait to listen to this one. My friends “hire” me all the time to help them unpack, unclutter, and decide what goes where. I sent photos of my befores and afters to my current job and it’s why they hired me. Read more

Is it wrong that I almost peed myself on the beach when I saw that I was not in the greys? Now for the hookup stories! I can't wait! Read more

I don’t even recognize my dachshund voice anymore, it’s just second nature. Doxie ownership changes you, man. Read more

Here’s my weenie dog Pepper, sunbathing.

Oooh, well played! Real smooth. Read more

Noooo someone stole my treadmill dachshunds

Look, I found dachshunds on a treadmill! (I don’t even know if I’m gray here. How to tell?)

Oh man! I just had to add creamsicles to my grocery list. That sounds dang good.

Smelly feet, you say?

You’d be amazed how many places have “Me So Horny” by 2 Live Crew on the books. Brings the house down every single time. Read more

Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. Read more