Oh oh oh! Sorry, I misunderstood — yeah, machine wash but pad the drum with towels to protect the squeaker. Read more

Check out the bath toys column — I would say dog toys should be washed more like rubber duckies than plush toys, i.e. in the dishwasher or sink. Read more

(who is the very best beaver) Read more

Yup, yup! Excellent addendum, thank you. (Beware of fading, though!) Read more

Nope! Beanie Babies are pretty easy ones — mesh bag ‘em and throw ‘em in the washer, low-heat or air dry. Or hand-wash so I can enjoy a filthy wash water photo :) Read more

Wow thank you so much! That is really, really nice to hear. PLEASE let me know if you have Qs you want to see answered in this space, it really is for you guys! Read more

God, you get it so hard. I watched all my friends have the best boozy lunch of their lives while I sat there in a dumb dress with a dumb smile on my face making niceties with dumb people who hated me dropping checks in my lap. Read more

My first (and most major, for life) gig here is Clean Person-ing, but I did a stint in 2015 at I Thee Dread, Jezebel’s wedding vertical. It was super fun and I miss it a ton! Read more

Welcome to the fam. We’re real assholes to each other, but by God, we make great dip. Read more

The only unpleasant wedding I’ve been to in the past 15 or so years was my own, and that was because I was just a prop. Everyone else had THE BEST time. I got them shitfaced on basement limoncello at Noon and turned them loose with an accordion player named Ray. Read more

God, I love a wedding. I go into full Jolie the Cruise Director mode, organizing outings, ironing shirts, getting your Aunt Grace lit up on signature cocktails, all of it. I mean, Billy and I and a bunch of others are going shooting/Whataburger-ing/hat shopping when we’re in Dallas for a wedding at the end of the… Read more

I love him unabashedly. I want to ruffle his hair and fix his lil lapel flower so it sits just so. Read more

You’re very welcome, fellow Gen X-er! Read more

I wish Kinja allowed me to put comments into gilded frames because lolololololololol for daysssssssss Read more

I legit CACKLED, Burke, you’re a hero for getting this up. Good luck out there, friend, I hope the doggies aren’t too freaked out. Read more

Those cats are clearly not sleeping, and the orange one is definitely indicating, via a judgy tail flick, that she’s none too impressed that you’ve left the pillow all hanging out of its blue case. Come now, I’m fluent in cat, being so cat-like myself. (The little one is like, “Yeah, I’m making a break for the… Read more

I’m gonna focus on the Japanese/US-style ones, not the European ones, if that makes you feel a little better about things? The guest for that ep and I had telephone call this week about it in which she just casually threw out the words “anal fissures” and I was like, “YOU’RE BOOKED, YOU UNDERSTAND MY SHOW COMPLETELY!” Read more

No, they’re mad at you for forcing them to lounge on an unmade bed. And you say that you love them, pfft. Read more

Well? Depending on the man spinning about in the machine, maybe very much the right way? Read more

You know? No one has ever asked this!! And it’s a good one. Plus, oh boy, get excited because I get to use a GREAT word pairing by way of answering this. Read more