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Arc, $115
Photo: Dame

The Arc showed up at precisely the moment I needed her.

So look, this is a vibrator review, which means that I’m in the enviable position of getting paid to masturbate — but, enviable though it may be, it is also a bit awkward so I’m going to state off the bat that all of this is TMI and I am so very, very sorry about literally everything, but instead of apologizing for every overshare and turning this into a 3000-word hand-wringer of a review, I’m just going to get on with it.

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In late-January, I had one of those wild nights with one of the guys I’m seeing that resulted in bruising. Handprint bruises, you guys. There were two unmistakable handprint bruises on both of my boobs, which put me out of commission with the other guys I’m seeing.

When I was close to healed, more bad news: The one guy I hadn’t had to cancel on because of the bruising — he’d been in Singapore on business, you see — texted to tell me that his work travel had been extended by literal weeks (weeks!) so he had to cancel on me.

Photo: Dame

But then the Arc arrived and I was able to do something I love doing: I saved the day! We were both feeling prettttttty sorry for ourselves — me, trapped alone clutching bags of frozen peas to my bosom and he, stuck in a (fancy, at least!) hotel room in Singapore — but we had WhatsApp and my new toy to test out.

Using the Arc with a remote partner was a lot of fun, and it leads me to believe that using with with an IRL partner would also be a lot of fun. I could see using this on myself while performing oral sex on a partner (Singapore quite liked the idea of that and I have the jerkoff vid to prove it). It’s, honestly, a fun toy with a lot of possibilities!

According to Dame’s product copy, “Arc is made for exploring. Its bulb has a pleasant squish, with a beaked ridge for targeted vibes on the vulva or clitoris. Warm-up externally, then dive in!” Which, hmm wow, the words “pleasant squish” are troubling but also not inaccurate. The Arc is pleasantly squishy — the silicone definitely makes for a good vadge-feel.

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The Arc is designed to be used both externally and internally, and in solo-use that transition is seamless because of the design of the handle makes it super easy to slip it in after spending some time taking care of the clit. The placement of the controls also makes it incredibly easy to adjust the speed and rhythm of the Arc’s vibrations. I don’t especially care for rolling patterns so I left those mostly alone but I did increase and decrease the speed during my assorted sessions and found that to be exactly as uncomplicated a process as I wanted and needed it to be.

I do, however, have a few quibbles. The first is that the charging cord, which connects to any ole USB wall charger or charging station, is annoyingly short. The length of the cord was such that the only place I could leave it while it charged was on my floor. Now, I’m me and you can eat off my floors but that still doesn’t mean I want my vibrator just literally laying all over the place.

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Photo: Dame

And, while the Arc was comfortable for shorter play, after one session that went on too, too long (sometimes your sexting partner being 13 hours ahead of you means that you’re WhatsApp-ing while absolutely blitzed on tequila and chardonnay, so), my hand went numb-ish. Also, after several days of sustained use (you guys, I’m just horny AF I’m sorry!), Beaulah — that’s my vagina’s name, Beulah — was noticeably sore (though nowhere as banged up as she’d been left in the wake of The Great Tit Contusion of 2020) and she was experiencing some loss of sensation.

The last issue I found was this: While the controls made it super easy to turn the toy on and to adjust its speed and vibrating patterns, there was something about the placement of the on/off button that made the SHUT IT OFF part of things a struggle. Like, there I’d be, trying to enjoy my post-orgasm glow and peck out a “BAAAAABE THAT WAS SO HOT I MISSSSS YOUUUUU” message in WhatsApp while a baby blue phallus vibrated and bucked all over my Buffy comforter. I’ll give it an A++ for comic effect and a C- for its post-coital affect. Overall, though, I very much enjoyed the Arc and I think you will too.

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Disclaimer: Dame provided a sample unit for this review. Under normal circumstances, this would be returned. For obvious reasons, Dame probably won’t want this one back, but this did not factor into the content of this review.


Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert, advice columnist and the host of the podcast Ask a Clean Person

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