Numskull Sonic & Dr Eggman 30th Anniversary Statue | $80 | Amazon
It’s Sonic’s 30th Anniversary and our 30th year being terrorized by this horrifying blue blur. The speedy usurper with an attitude ate poor Wario and took his seat as our CEO. He is now trying to actively erase history with this $80 Limited Edition Statue—painting himself as the innocent victim while portraying Dr. Eggman as the aggressor. Let me be clear. Dr. Eggman has PhDs in both animal science and mechanical engineering. He is a credit to the scientific community. His research has saved countless lives. Sonic has added nothing but frequent setbacks to science with his crazed antics. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, Sonic is the one who signs my paychecks. Whether I like it or not, do as he says and pre-order his 30th Anniversary Statue.