It’s the Saturday and Sunday after Black Friday. There’s leftover turkey in the fridge that you’re already sick of, but you feel guilty ordering in because you could be eating leftover turkey in the fridge, and according to the EPA, 42.8 million tons of food waste got shoveled into a landfill in 2018. That’s no good. Eat the turkey, you selfish asshole. Embrace the turkey. Find comfort in the turkey. And when the tryptophan sets in and you start dozing off at 11 AM, acquiesce in the post-holiday fatigue. Grab your phone, type Blyber Weekend 2020 into the Google search bar, and voila, it’s time to start shopping.
You see, because there is no universally accepted name for the days between Black Friday and Cyber Monday, our own Liz Lanier decided this morning to invent one. Some call it Cyber Week, or Cyber Weekend, but both titles lazily piggyback off the already established Cyber Monday. But since Liz is more of a visionary than most of you could dream to be, she, along with the rest of The Inventory newsroom, is declaring it Blyber Weekend. The brunch of holiday shopping events, Blyber Weekend is more than an excuse for retailers to clear out surplus inventory of products no one bought by marking them down so much you feel like you’re getting a deal.
No, Blyber Weekend is the destination you set on your GPS after the pitstop to fuel up your tank, maybe buy a hoagie and a six-pack of Rockstar Energy. After you’ve had your morning espresso and cleaned house with your new bidet. Ladies and gentlemen, Blyber weekend isn’t about fancy clothes or driving through the winter snow, feeling fresh with Perelli’s on your whip. It’s not about flashy watches, big-screen TVs, MacBooks, or home cinema. Blyber Weekend is that feeling you get when you’ve lost your keys and there’s someone around to find them. It’s your entire house decked out with RGB lights. It’s about self-care, not self-hate. It’s that first drop of CBD under your tongue after a long day at work. It’s a way of life that checks all the boxes.
Philosophy, religion, politics, science, math, history, capitalism, communism, futurism, virtual reality, augmented reality, reality reality, fake news, real news, cryptocurrency, Snopes.com—Blyber Weekend is everything and nothing. There’s always a lighthouse.