Top Product: Toto Washlet S550e | $939 | Amazon
With Halloween right around the corner, we might as well call this article “the best boo-dets.” Muahahahahahaha. Alright, enough terrible poop puns for the year. Let’s get right to it, Co-opulace: you all had a mountain of suggestions for the best bidets to keep your butts and other private parts clean between showers.
I needed to stress that last part because our original call for suggestions left out the fact that bidets are not just for the backside, as one of our fabulous female readers pointed out. Here’s her plea:
Yes, bidets are great for cleaning up more thoroughly after you poop, but there is a far messier situation down there that many of us have to deal with on a regular basis. I’m tired of having to climb into the shower and use a hand-held sprayer, or else make do with toilet paper when my body is POURING OUT LARGE QUANTITIES OF BLOOD.
I would really like to find a bidet that is useful for this purpose, but the ones I’ve tried so far are clearly designed to shoot water in a different direction. It’s endlessly frustrating. Periods are a pain (understatement of the century), and this is one thing that would obviously make clean-up much simpler, but when people talk about the functionality of bidets, they seem to always be focused on the rear end of things. Sure, poop is the Big Universal Problem, but menstruation is a much more significant challenge when it comes to leaving the bathroom with a clean undercarriage.
I agree, Seeking a More Versatile Bidet! In fact, we just promoted something like this over on Kinja Deals! As a male, I can’t speak to its effectiveness for your particular needs, nor is it guaranteed to fit your current toilet, but it’s worth a shot (or squirt!) for just $50 (coupon code K87BL9QA).
Another Co-opulace member, tk-421, had this to add:
I’d say don’t get a toilet seat type one, but one that looks like a dish sprayer and hangs on the side.
Works for both ends—slightly less convenient for poop, but you get it where you want it. (The dual nozzle ones—one for the front and one for the back are an option, but the handheld will be much better.)
Or you could install both a handheld and a cheap seat one on the same toilet!
If you fine folks know of any others, feel free to drop us a line in the comments and we’ll be sure to do a follow-up.
Quick word of caution: most on-toilet bidets like the ones featured below (you can also install a sprayer) usually fit either elongated or round toilets, but not necessarily both. The suggestions below offer a great starting point for exploring new brands, but you’ll need to conduct further research on your existing toilet before deciding which is right for you.
Now, plug your nose and prepare the hose: it’s time to talk bidets!
Toto Washlet S550 | $939 | Amazon
I have one of these and it’s the best. Quiet, self-cleaning, heated seat and water, air dryer, and a charcoal air filter for ... smells. It’s awesome. - “Not a real” DrDonna
I used the toilet paper shortage as an excuse to pick up a 550e and have had zero regrets. Even after having to swap out my round toilet for an elongated (went with a real basic Toto toilet and it’s great as well).
We’d had one of the basic cold water units at our old house and I liked it but the warm water on demand is the best. The dryer is okay but man that deodorizer is really something else, did not expect that to work as amazingly well as it does.
Seriously no complaints with this thing. - LazyMoniker
Toto s550 remains the gold standard. Not cheap, but has more functionality and proven durability. - Soundwave
Brondell Swash 1400 | $649 | Amazon
Kinda upper-middle-of-the-road. It’s not even close to a nice Japanese seat, but is still the top of this company’s line. I was lucky enough to shop for one back in January, pre-pandemic, and scored a beautiful refurb off Amazon for just $350. They go for $650 new, but I’d argue still worth it even at that price. - The ever-present football-player
Shortly after returning from my trip to Japan, I know I needed a bidet in my life. After a lot of research, I landed on the Brondell Swash 1400 and I have never looked back. It has every luxury feature I want: heated seat, front and back wash, self cleaning, deodorizer, remote, user presets, night light, all for a really reasonable price. And it goes on sale pretty often. I also appreciate the company’s values, often donating to senior citizens and locally to those in need.- P2isonline
Alpha iX Bidet | $255 | Amazon
The Alpha iX is by far my favorite all-around choice.
After spending an extended amount of time in Japan over the years, I had to have something up to Japanese and Korean standards, and did a lot of research before choosing the Alpha. I’m glad I did.
It’s the best combination of price, reliability, features, and performance.
For under $300, it’s got all the features of a good Toto or Kohler. You can spend a little more to get a power-raising seat or one that plays music, but those features don’t matter to me. It’s got front and back wash, oscillating and pulsing streams, adjustable temperature and pressure, a dryer, night light, soft-touch closing lid, remote control, and a heated seat.
I don’t think I could ever have a home without a heated toilet seat again.
The customer service from Bidet King was excellent when I installed it, as well.
It’s weird to be this passionate about a toilet seat, but I seriously love this thing. - curbwatching
Toto Washlet C100 | $302 | Amazon
Toto Washlet. Japanese do clean butts better! Mine is 6 years old. I figured out there was a filter 6 mos ago. It’s just flawless function. This is the model I bought years ago, they definitely have a butt dryer and remote controls in 2020.- flatlander2
If you guys can get discounts on the Toto washlets, that would be amazing. Toto is the only acceptable bidet- Calihobby
BioBidet BB-2000 | $629 | Amazon
No one else said it, so I’ll give this advice—be prepared to outfit all the toilets! We started with ONE bidet (cheap $30 Biobidet to try out) in my master bath. I then went on to install in my other four bathrooms because I couldn’t use my own toilet due to all my kids hogging my toilet with the one bidet.
I just went in for the BB-2000 with the touchscreen and remote from the recent sale for the master bath. - ImALeafeOnTheWind
After being inundated with bidet ads, I finally caved and bought the Bio Bidet add-on attachment - “Life changing” as they say, but I hated the arm that stuck out, and it was hard to clean where it connects between the seat and the bowl. So I upgraded to the GenieBidet. - Sean
Bio Bidet BB-2000. It’s strong! Water’s warm. Butts warm. Wife’s happy. Life’s good. 3-year waranty. Easy installation. I could afford twofor the price of a Toto S550e with similar performance. No regrats. - Simon Peter Hui